Ear Candy
Ear Candy (June 11, 2008)
By
Jun 10, 2008, 09:44

Don’t Believe The Hype


Lil Wayne
Tha Carter III
Cash Money

Lil Wayne’s full of shit. He’s not the greatest rapper alive and anyone buying that doesn’t know hip-hop and might need their head checked.

I remember when Weezy busted onto the scene as one of the Hot Boys, chirping “drop it like it’s hot” on Juvenile’s ’99 smash single “Back That Azz Up.” Dwayne Carter is all grown up now (25, although his true age has been debated) and he’s learned how to rap — well at least that’s what he thinks.

As the most anticipated hip-hop album of the year by morons, Tha Carter III flops harder than Gigli. Ever since Wayne’s semi-respectable Carter II, countless mixtapes and more supporting roles than Samuel L. Jackson, the hype for this record has been ridiculous, with an unfinished version turning up on the internet last summer and Wayne releasing The Leak in December to clear the slate for newly recorded material to an album that would crown him rap’s king.

By the time I get to the fourth track, “Got Money,” I can only shake my head at how lazy and safe these songs are. How many more times do we need to hear T-Pain’s vocoder or rip-offs of Lil Jon’s crunk records circa 2003? And didn’t 50 Cent just make a song called “I Get Money”? If Wayne is going to rip off others, he should at least dig a little further back in the crates than motherfucking Rick Ross, as “A Milli” is not only a cheap imitation of “Hustlin’,” but a less inspired version of Wayne’s own “Money On My Mind.” At least dumbass DJ Khaled isn’t screaming “Lissssenn Mannn … We Tha Baasst!” all over the track.

The beats on here aren’t horrible, but don’t expect to hear anything inventive. Just Blaze meshes the Chronic funk of “Still D.R.E.” with one of his own classic beats, “Breathe,” for the Jay-Z guest rap assisted “Mr. Carter.” Jigga raps, “I’m so fly, I’m on autopilot,” which pretty much sums up his flow on the cut, and Weezy spits mind-boggling rewind-button ready raps like: “I'ma need a coupe / I won’t need a roof / flyer than Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.” This guy needs a ghostwriter, bad. Let me help you: “Weezy fa sheezy, no Joker here / Batmobile in fifth gear / run over Michael Keaton, smear Beetlejuice on the rearview / Wayne’s a storm you can’t steer through.”

Unfortunately for him, Weezy didn’t consult me. I would’ve told him Babyface and Busta Rhymes guest spots are too ‘90s, a concept cut called “Phone Home” (built on, you guessed it, E.T.) is retarded and cribbing Illmatic and Ready To Die's artwork is just bad taste, especially when your material doesn’t even come close to stacking up. Granted, I was raised on Biggie, Nas, Rakim and other legends of the golden era, so Wayne will never be “great” in my book.

But even compared to say, DMX, his early material hasn’t aged well at all. So when Weezy plays it safe and follows trendy formulas, he’s just “hot,” adding yet another sunburn onto hip-hop’s cancerous flesh. — THOMAS MATCH