John Valby
Dirty Old Man

When you hear a song that you’ve heard a million times, it can drive any normally sane person teetering over the brink of madness. But if the words are changed to include your favorite profanities, then you might just want to sing along … and laugh your ass off. John Valby has used this trick for over 30 years now, and the joke's still working. With a slight tweak of words, the possibilities are endless for the man they call “Dr. Dirty.” We all know “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” but have you heard Valby’s version, “Somewhere Under Your Pubies?” While the former is a classic, the latter is an engaging rendition that’s hilarious and incredibly juvenile.

Born in Rochester, NY, Valby went to a Catholic high school where he found comedy as one of the ways to rebel against the strict rules enforced by the nuns. “Catholics try to squish your head into this little preconceived thing and you naturally rebel,” Valby said. However, the nuns did teach him how to play the piano, which would turn into a very useful tool. Valby began performing his raunchy songs for his fraternity brothers while attending Middlebury College in Vermont. Dressed in a classic white tuxedo and black derby hat, Valby graduated from frat parties to real gigs and the rest is pretty much history.

While there are many who just can’t get enough of his filthy jocular jingles, there are always going to be the humorless buzzkills. “Even now, people that don’t know what I’m going to do get really offended,” Valby remarked. “They don’t get it or they just don’t like that kind of humor.” But for those who do, it’s always enjoyable to see someone like Valby walk that fine line of offensiveness. And that line gets really skinny, especially when the jokes turn to race. To this, he has an almost elegant maxim: “If you want to do racist stuff, you’ve got to pick on all of the races or none of them.”

Although Valby will get into the occasional verbal scrap with an audience member, he is genuinely grateful for the support and just happy to be on stage, making people laugh. “They’re my bosses!” Valby exclaimed. “When they’re laughing, drinking cheap beers and having a good time, man, that’s a great high.” Also participating in the laughing, drinking and good times is Valby himself, who insists that he doesn’t get hammered every time he performs, though he’s more than happy to accept an occasional tequila shot on the house!

With five children, Valby would like to write a song (gasp!) for one of his kids to sing. What? A child singing something in the realm of “Thank God I’m a Pubic Hair?” “I would write them a clean song,” Valby clarified. Aside from being a genuinely good musician (Valby is a classically trained pianist and jams out regularly with the blues guitar), he has a love affair with … Disney? “I’m a Disney freak,” Valby said with a laugh. “I love to go there and bathe my soul in innocence.” Well, maybe there is hope for “Dr. Dirty” after all.  | RDW

John Valby • 10/30 • Emerald Theatre