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Last Updated:
Mar 19th, 2008 - 07:43:02 |
Beyond Warped
Downtown Brown
I was recently contacted by Downtown Brown, who told me the crazy fucks apparently got booted off of the Vans Warped Tour. Naturally, being a DTB fan as well as an avid lover of the bizarre, I had to find out more about it. I now share it with you. It’s not necromancy, but it’s close.
How did you get the boot?
Well, we were warned about getting booted after our sax player cut holes in the Hot Topic tent to prevent a hailstorm from destroying our equipment and about seven other bands’ equipment as well. Kevin Lyman, the founder of Warped, gave us another chance, but about 5 minutes later our sax player got in a fistfight with some dude in another band in front of all the other bands in the catering tent. We got booted. The other guy who was fighting our sax player got to stay. Needless to say, we were pretty fucking drunk when this all happened.
Where did this happen?
Cleveland, OH. “The mistake by the lake” — where the beer flows like wine.
How was the tour going up to that point?
Fucking great. We were drawing the largest crowd on our stage for 6 consecutive days and selling a ton of merch.
How did the crowd respond to the event?
The crowd was too busy trying to dry off from the tsunami that hit Cleveland that day. All of this shit happened right after a huge storm that fucked a lot of bands out of their set. Not us, though. We killed it. Booyah.
I’ve never heard of a band getting kicked off the tour. Warped must be getting really lame.
Well, let’s look at some of this year’s headliners:
- Underoath: Christian Hardcore — enough said.
- Paramore: 17-year-old female-fronted emo-pop ... eggghh.
- Chiodos: This guy sings higher than my dog ... who has no testicles.
- Killswitch Engage: Far too tough to be heterosexual.
Let’s just say, if we were in a big band, like NOFX, we could get away with whatever we wanted to. But we’re not in a big band. Therefore, we were thrown away like a bag full of clumped cat turds. Big bands have record labels that buy their way onto the tour. If you’re in a small band, you might be able to get a bunch of dates, but they put you on a small stage in the back corner of the venue. Just because you get on the Warped Tour does not mean you get to play in front of thousands of people. That is the truth.
How have your fans responded to this shit?
Most of them think it’s hilarious. In fact, the ones that attended witnessed first hand all the shit we talked. This was bound to happen in some way, shape or form. It’s funny — most people don’t even consider Downtown Brown to be a punk band. Somehow we managed to be punk rock enough to get kicked off the biggest “punk” tour in existence — kinda makes ya wonder how "punk" Warped Tour actually is. Not very, if you ask me.
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I think it’s safe to say that punk is fucking dead. | RDW
Downtown Brown DVD Release Party • August 31 • Magic Stick
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